John Key's new Top Secret Special job

Did you attend Aorangi School or Burnside High School? Do you remember John Key from Kindergarten or did your mother know his mother?

If so, this may be the chance of your life to strike it big. John Key is looking for that special person to fill a new role in his life: the Deputy Chief Executive for Security and Intelligence.

This is the first major opportunity to have “direct access” to JK since the appointment of Ian Fletcher as director of the GCSB. The job description states that “the position will be responsible for the oversight of the performance of the New Zealand Intelligence Community (NZIC), comprising the GCSB, NZSIS, and NAB” and “to ensure the Prime Minister and Ministers receive integrated, high quality advice on security issues.”

There are two requirements. The applicant must have:

• “Broad and deep experience in NZ Government.” Anyone who has had regular contact with government departments, such as WINZ, ACC, the Department of Justice or EQC is likely to meet this criterion. 
• “Top Secret Special security clearance.” If this sounds fancy, it is. This security clearance is so special and secret, there aren’t even any documents matching it because there is no security classification above Top Secret. Also, the public is not allowed to know which jobs require this clearance. If this makes sense to you, you might be the person for the job.

Warning – you will have staff responsibilities for members of organisations that have a track record of breaking the law. However, the good news is that if any illegalities become public knowledge, the law will then be retrospectively changed.

If you are interested in the position, you can apply officially through the State Services Commission or preferably directly to John Key himself. Don’t forget to remind him of your common past.

The closing date is 5pm Monday 14 October 2013.